Haha ... and no it's not what you are thinking. Today is without a doubt the most stressful day of the month. The last day. UGH! I work at a mortgage company in the collections department, and I am stressed beyond belief right now. Of course, there is all the things that need to be done liability wise at the bookstore with sales taxes, 941, 940 and customer statements; but nothing compares to the stress of a collections deadline. **deep breath**
So, this month was a rough month all around, and not just for me -- for my whole group... well, the whole pod really. It was awful. We have 3 separate goals given to us at the beginning of the month. Overs, Repos, and Unders. Overs are those accounts that are delinquent over 30 days past their due date. Repos - I think we are all smart enough to get that. Unders are delinquent accounts that are under 30 days past due. When I got in this morning I still needed to drop 12 Overs, I was at my max for repos with 2, and needed 23 Unders. Keep in mind that the Overs who just make one payment will become Unders, so I really needed 35 Unders.
Yesterday I almost stabbed my supervisor over this one account that is 5 payments past due. All of our legal notices had expired the beginning of last month and now that I have contact with my customer and they want to try and save their home he says "Repo it". *squinting and growling*. Now mind you, had they been 5 payments past due and sent ONE FRIGGIN PAYMENT and I wanted to get the home, he would say "they are making an effort to pay, lets wait until next month". But since I'm at my Repo max, it's the day before the last day of the month and I will be getting a $250 bonus because I'm at that goal he says "REPO IT". ugh!!! I managed to talk him off the ledge because the customer was begging for another day to try and come up with all the past due payments. So... today I get in and get a call from another customer (3 pays past due) who says -- I am moving out, I want you to come get the trailer by may 9th. She still has her junk in the home and the power is still on. Per our guidelines for legal action, we cannot submit an account for repossession until it is completely vacant (verified by a 3rd party), power is off, and all belongings are out of the home. So what does my fearless leader do? Manages to call a FRIEND of the customer to get her to say that she has moved out, ONLY has 10 or so boxes of stuff in the home and that the power WOULD BE off by May 8th. So his answer ... you guessed it -- REPO IT!!
Yeah, definitely beyond the sharp objects at this point and really just want to throw something really heavy and blunt at his head.
So by 4:30 today I had finished my daily sequence, either called, left a message for or talked to every single over account that I have and was working through some of my unders. I looked at Vanisia and said - I'm done. I have (at this point) 9 overs to drop, they just pushed a repo through to bust my repo goal, and still need 30-something unders... I'm done.
I'm soooooooooooooooooooo over collections. Three years is a LONG time for collections. I have two active applications out for other positions. One in inside sales, and the other as the office manger at a sales center that is in Lenoir City. A bit of a drive for me, but would be an increase in pay and would get me away from the madman of my supervisor. Ooooo I can't stand that man. Only he and my mother can get me from calm, cool and collected to flaming mad wanting to stab someone in 2.4 seconds. No - it doesn't even take that long. Sometimes just the very sight of him does it. haha. Time to move on don't you think?
yeah, so the chest pains came back today. ha! I swear it's just anxiety. And I know why they went away. Anytime I make the decision to do something about it, the symptoms get better. Not just mentally either. A couple years ago when I was out for surgery. The pain had gotten so bad that I could not function. So, I left work to go to the emergency room. When I got there -- no pain. What the Junk?! We later figured out why - and that was because my organs had pressed together to seal off the perforation in my colon. Caused a nice mess of abscess and infection, but felt better. =o) Same thing with mental and emotional issues. I finally get to the point where I understand that I need help, I take the first step in getting that help, for example - making a lunch date with my pastor's wife (yeah - not the first lunch that we have had). Then, knowing that the day is approaching, the chest pains go away... I don't think about things that usually plague my mind... nothing so much as goes wrong during the day and I chicken out. So when it comes to D Day, I'm good, let's eat, nice talking to you too.
I really am trying to come up with something sunshiney and happy to blog about - I really am. I just don't have it in me lately. I use up all my sunshineyness to get through the day and pretend that everything is ok. I guess that's part of the problem.
I did have a really cool quote in my "thought of the day" email ... it was from Confucius... "Everything has it's beauty, but not everyone sees it". My friend Tonya used to say (in a really bad Chinese accent) "Confucius say... He who stand on toilet - is high on pot". *giggles at the memory* She had plenty of Confucius quotes like that.
Well, I'm still at the bookstore about to pass out. I've been up since 5:30 this morning for Body pump. It's almost 11 now. I still gotta get home... and my house is a disaster. I attempted to shampoo my carpets this week. Got about half way done and ran out of time. So all my furniture is out of place in 3 different rooms. ha - they will stay that way too. I'm going to BED!! I already missed Top Chef ... so now I'm bitter! Oh - NOOO ... I'm not bitter, can't handle another bitterness sermon. hee hee... g'night.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
I finally did it ....
Yep, you read it right -- I finally got up the nerve and did it. I asked my pastor's wife if she could make some time to do lunch or something with me. You may think - big whoopty-do. Well, it is for me. Not sure that I can summon the courage to actually TALK to her, but we will see. She even asked me if it was just a lunch date or did I need to talk to her. ha! I told her I was trying to get up the nerve... haha. Niiiice - so now she knows I've got something on my mind. AND that it's been there for a while, because we have had lunch dates before and I never could bring myself to really talk to her. *sigh* It's just gonna come down to how much I really do want help. That's it. I keep asking myself that question. Before I asked Dawn her opinion of therapy/medication that day at lunch... I excused myself to the bathroom and had an argument with myself. I'm such a dork, but that's what happened. I left determined that if I truly want the help that I say that I do... well, then I'm gonna have to open up my mouth and heart and trust someone enough to talk. right?
So, I gave Hope another chance yesterday. The Bridal Show and all we did not have much time to think much less really talk. But as I was leaving her house (had another argument with myself) and I looked at her and said "we really need to do dinner". Ok, granted it was not - listen, I really need to talk to you about something please have dinner with me; but still. Well, her response was "not this week". I just left. I had a 20 min drive to my house and church that started in 23 minutes. *sigh* what am I going to do with that woman. lol.
So... Sis. C is out of town this week and that means I get a WHOOOOOLE week to fret and be nervous and argue with myself about this lunch date. I was talking to Dana the other day about my reservations about talking to her. Not that I think she would ever betray my confidence... I still have that fear. I have held my secret battle quite for soooo long -- I guess it's just a pride issue. Although I don't feel prideful, that's the only way I know to describe it. Or as Dana puts it... I just care too much what people think. And that's true. I would rather people think that I'm okay then for them to worry about my sanity. That is sick and twisted isn't it.
There was this cute thing going around on myspace. You posted a blog that said to post a comment with your name and I'll answer these questions about you. Here is what my sister said about me....
1. I'll respond with something random about you.You talk in your sleep and sometimes you say some funny stuff! Also, you're only ticklish when you're tired.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of Hm.... Hope Floats reminds me of you and any Reba song of course... probably mostly Little Rock cuz we used to sit out side on the swings at the Ohio St house and sing that for like hours. Good times. Good times.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (if possible, if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me)These mashed potatoes are so cream. You like brunnetts! I like blondes... chubby ones. Cesar Romaro was tall. Cesar Romaro did not play the clarrinet. I never said he did. What did you say. I said Cesar Romaro was tall. We all know he was tall.... I could go on, and I'm sure you could too. =P We're sad.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.Oh geez.... I don't remember anything about you until I was like... age 5 maybe. I remember us having to clean Baby and Bobo's little room and it being Stinky Mcgrosserton, and I remember you fixing my hair for preschool and me throwing big fits about it.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of (and I'll try not to be offensive)This is a toughie... I'd say a wolf. You're cautious and observant, and kind of stand-offish, but for those you allow into your "pack", you'd throw down in a second. Very loyal and honorable.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.I wonder what how you view yourself and whether or not you see how beautiful and talented you are.
7. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you That you take the things that hurt you and bottle them up instead of standing up for yourself. You are much quicker to stand up for others than you are for yourself. As a sister, I HATE seeing you hurt. So I often blow up at people who I know are getting to you... I'm sure you know at least one person that I'm talking about.
*** sigh *** That kills me. So... maybe I'm not hiding as much as I think I am. Or... maybe she is just so much like me that she knows. Yeah ... so I gotta go now. Gonna be late for work.
So, I gave Hope another chance yesterday. The Bridal Show and all we did not have much time to think much less really talk. But as I was leaving her house (had another argument with myself) and I looked at her and said "we really need to do dinner". Ok, granted it was not - listen, I really need to talk to you about something please have dinner with me; but still. Well, her response was "not this week". I just left. I had a 20 min drive to my house and church that started in 23 minutes. *sigh* what am I going to do with that woman. lol.
So... Sis. C is out of town this week and that means I get a WHOOOOOLE week to fret and be nervous and argue with myself about this lunch date. I was talking to Dana the other day about my reservations about talking to her. Not that I think she would ever betray my confidence... I still have that fear. I have held my secret battle quite for soooo long -- I guess it's just a pride issue. Although I don't feel prideful, that's the only way I know to describe it. Or as Dana puts it... I just care too much what people think. And that's true. I would rather people think that I'm okay then for them to worry about my sanity. That is sick and twisted isn't it.
There was this cute thing going around on myspace. You posted a blog that said to post a comment with your name and I'll answer these questions about you. Here is what my sister said about me....
1. I'll respond with something random about you.You talk in your sleep and sometimes you say some funny stuff! Also, you're only ticklish when you're tired.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of Hm.... Hope Floats reminds me of you and any Reba song of course... probably mostly Little Rock cuz we used to sit out side on the swings at the Ohio St house and sing that for like hours. Good times. Good times.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (if possible, if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me)These mashed potatoes are so cream. You like brunnetts! I like blondes... chubby ones. Cesar Romaro was tall. Cesar Romaro did not play the clarrinet. I never said he did. What did you say. I said Cesar Romaro was tall. We all know he was tall.... I could go on, and I'm sure you could too. =P We're sad.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.Oh geez.... I don't remember anything about you until I was like... age 5 maybe. I remember us having to clean Baby and Bobo's little room and it being Stinky Mcgrosserton, and I remember you fixing my hair for preschool and me throwing big fits about it.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of (and I'll try not to be offensive)This is a toughie... I'd say a wolf. You're cautious and observant, and kind of stand-offish, but for those you allow into your "pack", you'd throw down in a second. Very loyal and honorable.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.I wonder what how you view yourself and whether or not you see how beautiful and talented you are.
7. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you That you take the things that hurt you and bottle them up instead of standing up for yourself. You are much quicker to stand up for others than you are for yourself. As a sister, I HATE seeing you hurt. So I often blow up at people who I know are getting to you... I'm sure you know at least one person that I'm talking about.
*** sigh *** That kills me. So... maybe I'm not hiding as much as I think I am. Or... maybe she is just so much like me that she knows. Yeah ... so I gotta go now. Gonna be late for work.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Venting
Okay, so I just need to vent for a minute. My Pastor just TORE UP a sermon tonight about mercy. Not your typical message though. He started off by saying that God had given him this message for about 1% of the church congregation. He said that God had told him that there are some people who have lived their lives in a particular way and that He had been merciful thus far; but that He was about to change the seasons of their life if they did not change the way they were living.
He was talking about those people who are so blatantly sinning and flaunting it almost daring someone to say something about it. He went so far as to say that he will stop telling people that they are Apostolic, because they are not. He said that our generation as a whole has become too lenient with what we preach. We don't want to offend someone. He said pastors are too afraid to preach it because it might offend, or make someone mad, or God forbid they get up and leave. He made the argument that if you do preach it and they leave... they were going to hell on your pews, what is the difference if they leave and still go to hell. However, how do you expect them to change if you never preach it for fear of them leaving. He brought it to personal level in the fact that we don't stand up to our fellow brothers and sisters and say hey, what you are doing is wrong!
So ... in the midst of this.... (Now, keep in mind our choir now has to stay on the platform because there is no room in the auditorium... so I have a great view of all that is going on)... I happened to catch the look on a cousin of mine's face. It was about that time when he was talking about flaunting your sin in front of the congregation. Now... this comes directly after another cousin of mine walked up into church with some "miracle grow" on her hair. You know... the kind that miraculously grows all the same length? Which, let me insert here, my opinion. Not a popular one, but mine nonetheless. I personally do not feel that if you cut your hair or wear pants or makeup and those other exterior standards of the church that you will go to Hell. That is my personal opinion. I do not judge someone who chooses not to uphold the standards that I have placed on my life. I value the importance of modesty, and the promise that I have power with the angels because of my uncut hair. I choose to submit myself to those standards, however I do not believe that following them will save you, nor that choosing not to follow them will condemn you.
okay, so where was I ... oh yes, miracle grow. So I happen to catch the look on cousin #1's face that said "uh-huh ... she is out there flaunting her sin for the world to see... what do you think about that? preach on preacher. Talk to cousin #2..." I know you know that look I'm talking about. Problem is... cousin #2... couldn't tell you the truth if her life depended on it. I swear she lies just to be lying. No reason or "need" to. Just doesn't tell the truth. So tell me there #2... don't you think you should be listening and heading the Word rather then pointing out someone else's faults??
And I know I sound hypocritical with this. I know I am FAR from perfect. But I just get so frustrated sometimes with my family who I KNOW is not right, and they can sit in a service that would peel the most hardened criminal from their pew into the altar... and they don't so much as flinch. Or even worse, preach the preacher when preacher's preaching to them!!
UGH!!!
Anyway... had to get that out. Much more that I want to say -- but I'm terrified that #1 and #2 may someday find this and read it ... then I'd be in trouble. ha! I was gonna put another instalment of my trip in here, but I'm too tired. We had a Bridal Show today at the Bleak House in Knoxville. I was out at Hope's this morning at 8am preparing. I pulled back in my driveway tonight at exactly 5:57. Church starts at 6pm. Luckily I'm across the street and I had the 20 min drive from Hope's house back to mine to figure out what to wear that didn't need ironing. I actually made it to church just after 6. Bro. Presson usually gets up and opens the service with a scripture and a little one min blurb about it and then choir starts with praise and worship songs. I snuck up into choir just as Bro. Presson was finishing up. woohoo!! What is REALLY nice is that we learned a new song tonight in choir practice (that I missed) and we sang it that night. haha... that was fun. I had heard it a couple times so I caught on pretty quickly. Still a struggle though.
Aight ... I'm out for now. I'm about to go to ZZZzzzzz... yeah... Asta...
He was talking about those people who are so blatantly sinning and flaunting it almost daring someone to say something about it. He went so far as to say that he will stop telling people that they are Apostolic, because they are not. He said that our generation as a whole has become too lenient with what we preach. We don't want to offend someone. He said pastors are too afraid to preach it because it might offend, or make someone mad, or God forbid they get up and leave. He made the argument that if you do preach it and they leave... they were going to hell on your pews, what is the difference if they leave and still go to hell. However, how do you expect them to change if you never preach it for fear of them leaving. He brought it to personal level in the fact that we don't stand up to our fellow brothers and sisters and say hey, what you are doing is wrong!
So ... in the midst of this.... (Now, keep in mind our choir now has to stay on the platform because there is no room in the auditorium... so I have a great view of all that is going on)... I happened to catch the look on a cousin of mine's face. It was about that time when he was talking about flaunting your sin in front of the congregation. Now... this comes directly after another cousin of mine walked up into church with some "miracle grow" on her hair. You know... the kind that miraculously grows all the same length? Which, let me insert here, my opinion. Not a popular one, but mine nonetheless. I personally do not feel that if you cut your hair or wear pants or makeup and those other exterior standards of the church that you will go to Hell. That is my personal opinion. I do not judge someone who chooses not to uphold the standards that I have placed on my life. I value the importance of modesty, and the promise that I have power with the angels because of my uncut hair. I choose to submit myself to those standards, however I do not believe that following them will save you, nor that choosing not to follow them will condemn you.
okay, so where was I ... oh yes, miracle grow. So I happen to catch the look on cousin #1's face that said "uh-huh ... she is out there flaunting her sin for the world to see... what do you think about that? preach on preacher. Talk to cousin #2..." I know you know that look I'm talking about. Problem is... cousin #2... couldn't tell you the truth if her life depended on it. I swear she lies just to be lying. No reason or "need" to. Just doesn't tell the truth. So tell me there #2... don't you think you should be listening and heading the Word rather then pointing out someone else's faults??
And I know I sound hypocritical with this. I know I am FAR from perfect. But I just get so frustrated sometimes with my family who I KNOW is not right, and they can sit in a service that would peel the most hardened criminal from their pew into the altar... and they don't so much as flinch. Or even worse, preach the preacher when preacher's preaching to them!!
UGH!!!
Anyway... had to get that out. Much more that I want to say -- but I'm terrified that #1 and #2 may someday find this and read it ... then I'd be in trouble. ha! I was gonna put another instalment of my trip in here, but I'm too tired. We had a Bridal Show today at the Bleak House in Knoxville. I was out at Hope's this morning at 8am preparing. I pulled back in my driveway tonight at exactly 5:57. Church starts at 6pm. Luckily I'm across the street and I had the 20 min drive from Hope's house back to mine to figure out what to wear that didn't need ironing. I actually made it to church just after 6. Bro. Presson usually gets up and opens the service with a scripture and a little one min blurb about it and then choir starts with praise and worship songs. I snuck up into choir just as Bro. Presson was finishing up. woohoo!! What is REALLY nice is that we learned a new song tonight in choir practice (that I missed) and we sang it that night. haha... that was fun. I had heard it a couple times so I caught on pretty quickly. Still a struggle though.
Aight ... I'm out for now. I'm about to go to ZZZzzzzz... yeah... Asta...
Friday, April 25, 2008
Speaking of ...
I'll add more from my trip later. But with the last blog in mind, I must update you on this little journey. I went to lunch with my friend Dawn today. Well, let me back up. I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to Hope about all that's been going on. Okay, just kidding, one more step back.
I think I've mentioned before, that everything life throws at me I will internalize. I will bottle up emotions until I can't function, have a breakdown and then continue on as if nothing happened. Well, I've noticed a pattern and that "cycle" has been getting shorter and shorter lately. Dawn told me today that only gets worse with age ... dear GOD I can't handle worse. ha! Anyhow... for the last 3 days or so, I've felt on the verge of a panic attack and have had these weird chest pains. Not really pain, but like someone has their hand on my chest and just a constant pressure.
So... I've tried and tried to talk to Hope, and I finally interrupted her ranting today to try and get her to listen to me. I told her I had been having chest pains for the last couple of days. So her response was something like: "you really need to get that checked out. So about my website..." [really cool by the way, I've worked for months on it and we just published it this week. Check it out: www.SimplySouthernCatering.net ... I still have some tweaking to do and some pictures to add] That made me sooooo mad.
So I had lunch today with Dawn. She works in the same building I do and attends my church as well. So I finally get up my nerve to say something on the way back to work. My typical style... bring up a huge-mungus heavy, emotional topic when we have no where near enough time to discuss it. But, without going into details, kinda told her what was going on and asked how she felt about counseling and therapy. She told me how after she had Abby (preemie, lots of health complications, fine one day, at death's door the next) - she would have anxiety attacks. She went to her doctor and he prescribed a very low dosage of some medication that helped her deal and cope through that time. She said that her opinion is that some people need a little therapy or medication from time to time... but she did add that if it is marriage counseling that is best left up to the pastor.
So what are you thoughts... my faithful 3 readers. haha. well, only two really - I know 6 hours worth of Dana's opinion. *wink* Or any stopper-bys. Your input would be appreciated. And before you say it ... I am praying about it. I really just don't know what to do, and I'm trying to work up the nerve to sit down with my pastor's wife.
This is my conflict. My innerds are screaming "someone help me"... and yet I can't make my -um- outterds (?) do anything about it. My cousin said something today that hit me so funny. She was talking about a situation my family is going through were we are forced to have a certain person in our lives due to a stupid mistake of another cousin and the product of which is a precious little girl. Anyhow, this chick blames her mistakes and behavior on the way she was raised and how she had an awful childhood and on and on. So she (my cousin) was ranting and raving about this today and how she does not think that anyone can blame their behavior on their parents. Then she said "I mean, hellllo, look at YOU. We have a poster child here in our family and look how YOU turned out". Ha-- if they only knew.
Well... I'm rambling again. And I need to be up and dressed in about 5 hours if I'm hauling my big butt to Body Pump in the morning. So I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Pray for me. And again - I solicit your opinion. What are your thoughts on Holy Ghost filled children of God needing help outside the church... not necessarily medication. I really don't want meds - I want to learn to deal and I think I need someone to help me do that.
Until next time...
I think I've mentioned before, that everything life throws at me I will internalize. I will bottle up emotions until I can't function, have a breakdown and then continue on as if nothing happened. Well, I've noticed a pattern and that "cycle" has been getting shorter and shorter lately. Dawn told me today that only gets worse with age ... dear GOD I can't handle worse. ha! Anyhow... for the last 3 days or so, I've felt on the verge of a panic attack and have had these weird chest pains. Not really pain, but like someone has their hand on my chest and just a constant pressure.
So... I've tried and tried to talk to Hope, and I finally interrupted her ranting today to try and get her to listen to me. I told her I had been having chest pains for the last couple of days. So her response was something like: "you really need to get that checked out. So about my website..." [really cool by the way, I've worked for months on it and we just published it this week. Check it out: www.SimplySouthernCatering.net ... I still have some tweaking to do and some pictures to add] That made me sooooo mad.
So I had lunch today with Dawn. She works in the same building I do and attends my church as well. So I finally get up my nerve to say something on the way back to work. My typical style... bring up a huge-mungus heavy, emotional topic when we have no where near enough time to discuss it. But, without going into details, kinda told her what was going on and asked how she felt about counseling and therapy. She told me how after she had Abby (preemie, lots of health complications, fine one day, at death's door the next) - she would have anxiety attacks. She went to her doctor and he prescribed a very low dosage of some medication that helped her deal and cope through that time. She said that her opinion is that some people need a little therapy or medication from time to time... but she did add that if it is marriage counseling that is best left up to the pastor.
So what are you thoughts... my faithful 3 readers. haha. well, only two really - I know 6 hours worth of Dana's opinion. *wink* Or any stopper-bys. Your input would be appreciated. And before you say it ... I am praying about it. I really just don't know what to do, and I'm trying to work up the nerve to sit down with my pastor's wife.
This is my conflict. My innerds are screaming "someone help me"... and yet I can't make my -um- outterds (?) do anything about it. My cousin said something today that hit me so funny. She was talking about a situation my family is going through were we are forced to have a certain person in our lives due to a stupid mistake of another cousin and the product of which is a precious little girl. Anyhow, this chick blames her mistakes and behavior on the way she was raised and how she had an awful childhood and on and on. So she (my cousin) was ranting and raving about this today and how she does not think that anyone can blame their behavior on their parents. Then she said "I mean, hellllo, look at YOU. We have a poster child here in our family and look how YOU turned out". Ha-- if they only knew.
Well... I'm rambling again. And I need to be up and dressed in about 5 hours if I'm hauling my big butt to Body Pump in the morning. So I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Pray for me. And again - I solicit your opinion. What are your thoughts on Holy Ghost filled children of God needing help outside the church... not necessarily medication. I really don't want meds - I want to learn to deal and I think I need someone to help me do that.
Until next time...
* Day Four *
We're on the train to Paris!!! Should almost be there, and talk of kids, x-husbands, family members, and backsliding brings back the thoughts of home.
[Got interrupted ... continued at the train station]
It's funny how just yesterday Sis. Debbie and I were talking about how a trip like this will take your mind off things going on at home. And that's true to some extent. I've been .... myself for the first time in a long time, but the thoughts are creeping back and I just want to scream at them to GO AWAY! And yet - I can't. There they are. I wish and pray for the healing that I need so badly. And sitting here on the cold floor of the train station in Pairs, France waiting (for 2 hours now) for our tour guide - I feel that blanket of sadness coming down. I feel the tears that I so long to cry creeping up only to be pushed down again. I really wish someone could just know and understand and speak into my soul words to soothe and mend. That's been my prayer for 26 long years - hasn't happened yet. ha! I'm at the point where either something changes - or I spend the rest of my life on this emotional roller coaster. I don't think I can take the motion sickness too much longer *sigh* Enough for now - I'll be bawling here for no reason. You know.... puke in London... have an emotional breakdown in Paris - whatever. All in a good vacation.
[Got interrupted ... continued at the train station]
It's funny how just yesterday Sis. Debbie and I were talking about how a trip like this will take your mind off things going on at home. And that's true to some extent. I've been .... myself for the first time in a long time, but the thoughts are creeping back and I just want to scream at them to GO AWAY! And yet - I can't. There they are. I wish and pray for the healing that I need so badly. And sitting here on the cold floor of the train station in Pairs, France waiting (for 2 hours now) for our tour guide - I feel that blanket of sadness coming down. I feel the tears that I so long to cry creeping up only to be pushed down again. I really wish someone could just know and understand and speak into my soul words to soothe and mend. That's been my prayer for 26 long years - hasn't happened yet. ha! I'm at the point where either something changes - or I spend the rest of my life on this emotional roller coaster. I don't think I can take the motion sickness too much longer *sigh* Enough for now - I'll be bawling here for no reason. You know.... puke in London... have an emotional breakdown in Paris - whatever. All in a good vacation.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
* Day Three *
Thursday, March 28th, 2008
This morning we (Sis. Debbie, Gayla, Cindy, Leann, Naomi, Tiffany, and I) went out intending to purchase tickets for Phantom of the Opera. We ended up getting a late start and went straight to the changing of the guards. They do a 2 day shift so there was not one yesterday; and Wednesday they didn't have it because the President of France was there. I got a couple of cool videos of the bands moving in, but we were too far away to see the actual guard change. At this point things got a little crazy. We got separated from Sis. Debbie and Gayla. The rest didn't want to wait, but at the last minute we found Gayla... but no Sis. Debbie. So - I stayed with her while the others left and we planned to meet later at Harrods. We did finally find Sis. Debbie and then headed to Harrods. That place is HUGE!! I've actually never heard of the place, but supposedly a world-wide known store. They have everything you could possibly imagine. The only thing that I bought was food - some fresh sliced turkey, some weird cheese with rosemary on it and samples of a Greek and a Mediterranean salad. Not with greens, but with tomatoes, cheese (mozzarella and feta) and olives. Yum!! Now the cheese with the rosemary in it made me soooo sick. I had to get out of the store and definitely puked on the streets of London. Great huh?
So, by the time Sis. Debbie and Gayla were done shopping and we got back to the hotel, we had just missed the others. The rest of the group had gone on an all day tour of Bath and Stonehenge. So we set off to find tickets to Phantom. First we wanted to go yesterday, but Naomi had plans with her daughter and granddaughter, so we decided to wait. Then she backs out anyway. Well, we find a place that has 2 tickets, first balcony, center for 55 lbs. More than I wanted to spend, but okay - I'm here to spend $$, never been to the theater, and will never again have the opportunity to go in London every again. So we purchase them for Sis. Debbie and I. Gayla had seen it last night with the others so she got a ticket for Mama Mia. We RACED back to the hotel to freshen up (Gayla went on to St. Paul's Cathedral) and literally RUN back to pick up the tickets. However, there is a different person on duty who says he has no tickets b/c the theater would not sell them after 5pm. What The Crap!! We then try to run down to the theater-- and I do mean RUN. We were able to get our money back. No, let me rephrase that, Sis. Debbie DEMANDED our $$ back (ha!) Turns out, they have only one seat in the entire house for 55 lbs. Sis. Debbie talked me into going without her, and I'm glad she did. It was absolutely amazing!! I ended up being dead center, isle seat, 8th row from the stage on the main level. Perfect! I was directly under the chandelier when it fell. =o) On the way back to the hotel, I managed to spend the rest of my $$ on souvenirs and a carmel hot chocolate from Starbucks.
Tiff ended up getting to go the Jack the Ripper Tour with Naomi and they really enjoyed it. Kinda bummed that I didn't get to go, but Phantom!!! So... I showered, packed up, and I'm ready to head out at 8:15 in the morning for PARIS!!!
This morning we (Sis. Debbie, Gayla, Cindy, Leann, Naomi, Tiffany, and I) went out intending to purchase tickets for Phantom of the Opera. We ended up getting a late start and went straight to the changing of the guards. They do a 2 day shift so there was not one yesterday; and Wednesday they didn't have it because the President of France was there. I got a couple of cool videos of the bands moving in, but we were too far away to see the actual guard change. At this point things got a little crazy. We got separated from Sis. Debbie and Gayla. The rest didn't want to wait, but at the last minute we found Gayla... but no Sis. Debbie. So - I stayed with her while the others left and we planned to meet later at Harrods. We did finally find Sis. Debbie and then headed to Harrods. That place is HUGE!! I've actually never heard of the place, but supposedly a world-wide known store. They have everything you could possibly imagine. The only thing that I bought was food - some fresh sliced turkey, some weird cheese with rosemary on it and samples of a Greek and a Mediterranean salad. Not with greens, but with tomatoes, cheese (mozzarella and feta) and olives. Yum!! Now the cheese with the rosemary in it made me soooo sick. I had to get out of the store and definitely puked on the streets of London. Great huh?
So, by the time Sis. Debbie and Gayla were done shopping and we got back to the hotel, we had just missed the others. The rest of the group had gone on an all day tour of Bath and Stonehenge. So we set off to find tickets to Phantom. First we wanted to go yesterday, but Naomi had plans with her daughter and granddaughter, so we decided to wait. Then she backs out anyway. Well, we find a place that has 2 tickets, first balcony, center for 55 lbs. More than I wanted to spend, but okay - I'm here to spend $$, never been to the theater, and will never again have the opportunity to go in London every again. So we purchase them for Sis. Debbie and I. Gayla had seen it last night with the others so she got a ticket for Mama Mia. We RACED back to the hotel to freshen up (Gayla went on to St. Paul's Cathedral) and literally RUN back to pick up the tickets. However, there is a different person on duty who says he has no tickets b/c the theater would not sell them after 5pm. What The Crap!! We then try to run down to the theater-- and I do mean RUN. We were able to get our money back. No, let me rephrase that, Sis. Debbie DEMANDED our $$ back (ha!) Turns out, they have only one seat in the entire house for 55 lbs. Sis. Debbie talked me into going without her, and I'm glad she did. It was absolutely amazing!! I ended up being dead center, isle seat, 8th row from the stage on the main level. Perfect! I was directly under the chandelier when it fell. =o) On the way back to the hotel, I managed to spend the rest of my $$ on souvenirs and a carmel hot chocolate from Starbucks.
Tiff ended up getting to go the Jack the Ripper Tour with Naomi and they really enjoyed it. Kinda bummed that I didn't get to go, but Phantom!!! So... I showered, packed up, and I'm ready to head out at 8:15 in the morning for PARIS!!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Random...
Wow... for someone who does not keep up with journals and blogs ... I'm doing pretty good. ha! I felt that I should get on here and post something that is on this side of depressing for once. lol. Not that I feel like it, but don't really want this entire blog thingy ma bobber to be all "I'm-gonna-slit-my-wrists". So yeah... my day:
I got up and went to Body Pump this morning at 6am. So far so good. I can still walk, so we are doing good. We shall see how it turns out tomorrow. After work of course I went tanning. I still can't seem to get this one strip across my belly to tan properly. I guess that's the price you pay when you got them jelly rolls going on. hee hee - Vanisia wanted us to go to a place that had the booths where you stand up in them. I told her I would not be doing that because I would have to hold things up in order for parts of my body to get tanned. ha! Apparently that works while lying down as well. Hmm... but, by the grace of God - I will not have these jelly rolls too much longer. I'm planning to go to The Power of One conference in Memphis in June. I'm hoping to loose another 20 lbs by then. That would put me at a total of 80 lbs down and sadly just over half way to my goal.
So then, to further torture my muscles -- Julie, Rachel, Danielle and I went to the park and played tennis. I had to pretty much force myself to go because I just really did not want to. But hey, it beats being couped up in the house staring at the walls; or worse... doing laundry and cleaning -- ahhhh!! I'm glad I went. Then of course, we had to stop at Sonic to replenish the calories that we had just burned. haha... I restrained myself. I tried ONE of those new Cinasnack thingies -- HIGHLY recommend those and a Cherry Limeade... YUMMMMMY I love love LOVE those things.
And now, since I got absolutely NO sleep last night and was up at 5:30, I'm about to pass out. I have an appointment tomorrow at LTF (Ladies Total Fitness) at 9am to finish my body age assessment test. So pray church pray ... I'm sure I'll be 97 or so.
Yep, definitely just dosed off... time to go to bed. Until later... ASTA!!
I got up and went to Body Pump this morning at 6am. So far so good. I can still walk, so we are doing good. We shall see how it turns out tomorrow. After work of course I went tanning. I still can't seem to get this one strip across my belly to tan properly. I guess that's the price you pay when you got them jelly rolls going on. hee hee - Vanisia wanted us to go to a place that had the booths where you stand up in them. I told her I would not be doing that because I would have to hold things up in order for parts of my body to get tanned. ha! Apparently that works while lying down as well. Hmm... but, by the grace of God - I will not have these jelly rolls too much longer. I'm planning to go to The Power of One conference in Memphis in June. I'm hoping to loose another 20 lbs by then. That would put me at a total of 80 lbs down and sadly just over half way to my goal.
So then, to further torture my muscles -- Julie, Rachel, Danielle and I went to the park and played tennis. I had to pretty much force myself to go because I just really did not want to. But hey, it beats being couped up in the house staring at the walls; or worse... doing laundry and cleaning -- ahhhh!! I'm glad I went. Then of course, we had to stop at Sonic to replenish the calories that we had just burned. haha... I restrained myself. I tried ONE of those new Cinasnack thingies -- HIGHLY recommend those and a Cherry Limeade... YUMMMMMY I love love LOVE those things.
And now, since I got absolutely NO sleep last night and was up at 5:30, I'm about to pass out. I have an appointment tomorrow at LTF (Ladies Total Fitness) at 9am to finish my body age assessment test. So pray church pray ... I'm sure I'll be 97 or so.
Yep, definitely just dosed off... time to go to bed. Until later... ASTA!!
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