Yep, you read it right -- I finally got up the nerve and did it. I asked my pastor's wife if she could make some time to do lunch or something with me. You may think - big whoopty-do. Well, it is for me. Not sure that I can summon the courage to actually TALK to her, but we will see. She even asked me if it was just a lunch date or did I need to talk to her. ha! I told her I was trying to get up the nerve... haha. Niiiice - so now she knows I've got something on my mind. AND that it's been there for a while, because we have had lunch dates before and I never could bring myself to really talk to her. *sigh* It's just gonna come down to how much I really do want help. That's it. I keep asking myself that question. Before I asked Dawn her opinion of therapy/medication that day at lunch... I excused myself to the bathroom and had an argument with myself. I'm such a dork, but that's what happened. I left determined that if I truly want the help that I say that I do... well, then I'm gonna have to open up my mouth and heart and trust someone enough to talk. right?
So, I gave Hope another chance yesterday. The Bridal Show and all we did not have much time to think much less really talk. But as I was leaving her house (had another argument with myself) and I looked at her and said "we really need to do dinner". Ok, granted it was not - listen, I really need to talk to you about something please have dinner with me; but still. Well, her response was "not this week". I just left. I had a 20 min drive to my house and church that started in 23 minutes. *sigh* what am I going to do with that woman. lol.
So... Sis. C is out of town this week and that means I get a WHOOOOOLE week to fret and be nervous and argue with myself about this lunch date. I was talking to Dana the other day about my reservations about talking to her. Not that I think she would ever betray my confidence... I still have that fear. I have held my secret battle quite for soooo long -- I guess it's just a pride issue. Although I don't feel prideful, that's the only way I know to describe it. Or as Dana puts it... I just care too much what people think. And that's true. I would rather people think that I'm okay then for them to worry about my sanity. That is sick and twisted isn't it.
There was this cute thing going around on myspace. You posted a blog that said to post a comment with your name and I'll answer these questions about you. Here is what my sister said about me....
1. I'll respond with something random about you.You talk in your sleep and sometimes you say some funny stuff! Also, you're only ticklish when you're tired.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of Hm.... Hope Floats reminds me of you and any Reba song of course... probably mostly Little Rock cuz we used to sit out side on the swings at the Ohio St house and sing that for like hours. Good times. Good times.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (if possible, if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me)These mashed potatoes are so cream. You like brunnetts! I like blondes... chubby ones. Cesar Romaro was tall. Cesar Romaro did not play the clarrinet. I never said he did. What did you say. I said Cesar Romaro was tall. We all know he was tall.... I could go on, and I'm sure you could too. =P We're sad.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.Oh geez.... I don't remember anything about you until I was like... age 5 maybe. I remember us having to clean Baby and Bobo's little room and it being Stinky Mcgrosserton, and I remember you fixing my hair for preschool and me throwing big fits about it.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of (and I'll try not to be offensive)This is a toughie... I'd say a wolf. You're cautious and observant, and kind of stand-offish, but for those you allow into your "pack", you'd throw down in a second. Very loyal and honorable.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.I wonder what how you view yourself and whether or not you see how beautiful and talented you are.
7. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you That you take the things that hurt you and bottle them up instead of standing up for yourself. You are much quicker to stand up for others than you are for yourself. As a sister, I HATE seeing you hurt. So I often blow up at people who I know are getting to you... I'm sure you know at least one person that I'm talking about.
*** sigh *** That kills me. So... maybe I'm not hiding as much as I think I am. Or... maybe she is just so much like me that she knows. Yeah ... so I gotta go now. Gonna be late for work.
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