A Journey begins

These next few blogs I will be transferring from my paper journal that I kept while touring London and Paris into this blog. Just a disclaimer so that you understand this is not actually happening now, but did happen. Confused yet? Oh well, just read and enjoy ... and be jealous. ha!

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A journey begins. Leaving Chicago I feel anxious, nervous, and a little nauseous - gotta love the windy city - but I'm so excited that I think my innerds just may burst. This is a trip of a lifetime and I can't wait. I can hardly wrap my brain around the fact that in less than 24 hours, I will be in London, England. How exciting!! How terrifying! There are only 17 of us going and I know not a one of them. New people, new experiences, new places - a new country! Let the journey begin!

I am hoping that this trip will be a turning point in my life. I need it to be - something has to change. This really is the first real thing that I have done completely for myself, and I'm hoping that the extreme "getting away" that I'm doing will be just the getting away that I need.

I have always fantasized about running away to a place where nobody knows me - where I can start over and start fresh. that will never happen because I believe, whole-heartily, that I am where God wants me to be. I can't say that this will always be my home - but this is were I need to be.

I've recently decided to take an emotional journey as well. I've always been one to hold everything in... just walk away until it does not hurt anymore; but the problem with that is - the pain is still there. I've only managed to build up my pain tolerance. So what does a life without pain feel like? I don't really know - but I'm determined to find healing. It will be hard, it will be rough, and I will have to learn to trust someone enough to help me through this. I just pray I have the strength to face all those demons of the past in order to heal these twenty-some-odd-year-old wounds -- even if I never know what caused them in the first place. I just know that I don't have the strength to continue like this very much longer. And so, ... another journey begins.