Speaking of ...

I'll add more from my trip later. But with the last blog in mind, I must update you on this little journey. I went to lunch with my friend Dawn today. Well, let me back up. I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to Hope about all that's been going on. Okay, just kidding, one more step back.

I think I've mentioned before, that everything life throws at me I will internalize. I will bottle up emotions until I can't function, have a breakdown and then continue on as if nothing happened. Well, I've noticed a pattern and that "cycle" has been getting shorter and shorter lately. Dawn told me today that only gets worse with age ... dear GOD I can't handle worse. ha! Anyhow... for the last 3 days or so, I've felt on the verge of a panic attack and have had these weird chest pains. Not really pain, but like someone has their hand on my chest and just a constant pressure.

So... I've tried and tried to talk to Hope, and I finally interrupted her ranting today to try and get her to listen to me. I told her I had been having chest pains for the last couple of days. So her response was something like: "you really need to get that checked out. So about my website..." [really cool by the way, I've worked for months on it and we just published it this week. Check it out: www.SimplySouthernCatering.net ... I still have some tweaking to do and some pictures to add] That made me sooooo mad.

So I had lunch today with Dawn. She works in the same building I do and attends my church as well. So I finally get up my nerve to say something on the way back to work. My typical style... bring up a huge-mungus heavy, emotional topic when we have no where near enough time to discuss it. But, without going into details, kinda told her what was going on and asked how she felt about counseling and therapy. She told me how after she had Abby (preemie, lots of health complications, fine one day, at death's door the next) - she would have anxiety attacks. She went to her doctor and he prescribed a very low dosage of some medication that helped her deal and cope through that time. She said that her opinion is that some people need a little therapy or medication from time to time... but she did add that if it is marriage counseling that is best left up to the pastor.

So what are you thoughts... my faithful 3 readers. haha. well, only two really - I know 6 hours worth of Dana's opinion. *wink* Or any stopper-bys. Your input would be appreciated. And before you say it ... I am praying about it. I really just don't know what to do, and I'm trying to work up the nerve to sit down with my pastor's wife.

This is my conflict. My innerds are screaming "someone help me"... and yet I can't make my -um- outterds (?) do anything about it. My cousin said something today that hit me so funny. She was talking about a situation my family is going through were we are forced to have a certain person in our lives due to a stupid mistake of another cousin and the product of which is a precious little girl. Anyhow, this chick blames her mistakes and behavior on the way she was raised and how she had an awful childhood and on and on. So she (my cousin) was ranting and raving about this today and how she does not think that anyone can blame their behavior on their parents. Then she said "I mean, hellllo, look at YOU. We have a poster child here in our family and look how YOU turned out". Ha-- if they only knew.

Well... I'm rambling again. And I need to be up and dressed in about 5 hours if I'm hauling my big butt to Body Pump in the morning. So I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Pray for me. And again - I solicit your opinion. What are your thoughts on Holy Ghost filled children of God needing help outside the church... not necessarily medication. I really don't want meds - I want to learn to deal and I think I need someone to help me do that.

Until next time...