Okay... to my few faithful readers... I do apologize for being MIA for the last little bit. As you can imagine, I have a lot going on right now. Not an excuse but a reason. I really don't have the time or the strength to update on everything tonight, but I will give a brief overview so that you will know I've not fallen off the face of the planet.
So, in a previous blog, I had written that I had bit the bullet and scheduled a counseling session. Last night, I believe, was my fourth session. My therapists name is Carla - and I actually like her. I love watching her process information - I can see those little wheels a turnin' ha! It's still so very hard for me to even show up, let alone talk to her. So... I think this week I am going to work out a list of things that I think we should talk about. Bless her heart, she doesn't know what to ask - and I'm not going to sit and volunteer information. So I'm going to make a list I think. I've made these first few steps, I can't back out now. If I do...... I think I'll loose my mind. So... *singing* onward Christian soldiers...
In preparation for that, I have contacted some people from my past to try and find out some answers and fill in the blanks of the childhood I have suppressed. I sent an email to Sis. Rachel (former assistant pastor's wife), two of my high school teachers - Mrs. McIlrath & Sal, and a friend from IBC, Joy. I had a very interesting 1 1/2 hour talk with Sis. Rachel, but have yet to hear from the rest. I'm not really sure what to do from this point, but I really do feel like I need answers and I need to figure out what happened back then. My only other options are Stacey, my cousin who can't tell the truth or keep her mouth shut, and David - my best friend who is married and has 2 kids and still has feelings for me. Yeah - haven't contacted either of them. I do think I'm going to recruit a spy though. If there's one thing that Stacey LOVES it is to gossip... if I can get the right person snooping, she'll spill her guts (probably add to it) and not even suspect me. sneaky aren't I?
In the way of regular doctor's appointments, I go tomorrow for an Endoscopy. I have a feeling they are going to want to do a colonoscopy as well - ugh! So... even though I have a TON of things bouncing around in my head - I MUST try to get some sleep. Gotta get up early so I can get to work early so I can leave early to get to my appointment on time. Wish me luck!!
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