I can't believe I did it....

Well, before I get into all that (keep the suspense up and all), I've got to rant a bit.

First of all... apparently air conditioning and I are not meant to get along. I've been without A/C in my car for about 2 weeks now... maybe longer. Shannon is waiting on the proper gauge to figure out what is wrong. Already replaced one thing that was causing my engine to overheat and when that happens it automatically shuts down the a/c to try and cool down the engine. Well.. still not working and I'm still sweating to DEATH.

So then second... I walk into my house today after work (mind you - nine thousand degrees in my car) and walk into an 87 degree house. What the junk!! I'm sure that Sugar has roasted today. I'll be calling grammie here in a bit and go sleep at her house if I can't get it any cooler in here. It's miserable. It's not even that hot outside!!

Third and final rant of the day... today at work Vanisia went down to the gym and got one of those stability balls to sit on at her desk. Keep in mind now that several months ago our health and wellness staff sent around an email with suggestions to beat the sedentary lifestyle that we all have there for 8 hours a day and one of those was to sit on a stability ball to increase your core strength and all that. So... Paul Nichols (top-TOP dog) comes through and tells her that is not safe and if she were to fall the first 2 words from her would be workman's comp. When we explained about the health and wellness people, his response was "Well, I will fix that". He proceeded to say that they do not pay the workman's comp claims so he will definitely get that fixed. What a JERK!! No wonder we have an extremely high turn over rate.

Ugh!!

Okay, so back to me...

I found a place here in town that is a Christian Counseling Center. Now before I even go any further... you have to know that even thinking about what I'm about to write in here puts me in a panic, let alone actually going through with it. I've talked it over with a couple trusted friends and with my pastor's wife; and closed my eyes, jumped and made an appointment for Monday evening. I am scared out of my ever loving mind, but my feeling is I have got to do something.

I have let myself struggle with all of these pent up emotions, feelings, thoughts for entirely too long. I've made the first step in recognizing that I cannot do this on my own. Yes, I am fully aware that all things are possible with God -- but you've got to be able to let go even to God before He can help. And short of a miracle, that's not gonna happen without some assistance.

So... I'm gonna go and see. I'm not committing to anything, I firmly will tell them I do not want any medication - at all - and somehow we will all get through this.

yep, terrified!

Okay... it is still 87 degrees in my house and Sugar is about to bake. We are headed out to Grammies where you can hang meat in the living room, but it's better than here. More to come I'm sure...