Road Trip!!

I totally played hookie today!! I have never in my life just blown off work for no reason, and I soooo did it today. Hope and I drove up to Indy last night and drove back today. She had an appointment with a specialist up there and I went with her, simply because I needed to get away. Even away from everything and presumably having a good time, my chest was KILLING me and last night was the first time that it has interfered with my sleeping. I couldn't breath, I couldn't get comfortable... and several times after I had fallen asleep I woke up gasping for air and sat straight up in bed. Okay ... this is not cool.

So then all morning I was having really bad pains, and I broke down and tried one of the anxiety pills that the Dr. prescribed. As Hope said... we will never know for sure if that is what the problem is unless you take one and see. And.... it helped. Haven't decided if I'm relieved, or more terrified. And I was good for about ... 8-9 hours or so and then it was like the bottom was dropped out of me. I could not breath, the pain was back, and I was completely wiped out - like it took effort to walk. What in the world is going on with me?! It is absolutely terrifying at this point.

I don't know what to do because I feel like I need to do something, but I don't know what. Do I seek help outside of my pastor and his wife? Do I go to the hospital and say - seriously, can't breath, need some help? Do I go back to my regular Dr. and say dude ... meds aren't working but anxiety pills are dope me up please? Do I strap myself in for the ride of a lifetime? Or do succumb to the fact that this is my life?

I'm so confused... I'm so lost ... And at this point, I'm at a loss for words. I can't describe to you what this feels like. Alone, surrounded, helpless ... that's a start, but in no way shape or form scratching the surface.

I called my pastor's wife tonight to talk, and got more orders. ha... I am to call the doctor first thing in the morning and report back to her as soon as I do so. lol. Do I feel another casting out of some demons tomorrow?? hahaha... Bless him - I know he means well, it's just so embarrassing... and soooo private.

Well, I gotta fix grammie's hair - and now is about the time I would be getting to her house if I had worked today, so I should head that direction... more to come I'm sure...