Anyhow - as far as updates here goes.... Goodness, I don't even know where to start. I got a roommate. That means, for all the SAM folks out there - Jennifer DEFINITELY going to Greece! That is ... if I can work out the vacation time deal and can save for it, which should not be a problem since I have the new roomie to help me out.
Kinda weird sharing my space. I've very much been a loner all my life, I'm fiercely independent, and have lived by myself for 3 years. Not to mention, even when I lived with grammie and grampie for 2 years I was pretty much on my own; and then the 4 years at IBC (the majority of the time I did not have a roommate).
So... this week Carla gave me some homework, and I'm struggling to figure out how exactly to do it. I let her in on an image that I've had for quite sometime and never shared with anyone. I wrote in my journal about this little girl. Well... let me just copy and paste for ya:
"I have this image in my mind of a little girl, holding what should be a solid heart shaped object; except, her heart is not whole. She has worked feverishly to put back together the broken pieces to form the outside shape, in fact, it’s so good that you cannot tell it was ever broken until you take a look inside. All that is left inside are shattered pieces of what was once whole. That’s kinda how I see myself approaching God. With my shattered little heart, hoping I’ve put it together just right and too scared to tell Him what happened to the rest."
So... my assignment this week is to "talk more about that". Ha - she says that a lot. She wants me to write more about these pieces and identify them. She said I could draw it or make something more 3D or just write.
She also correlated my chest pains to that of a cutter. She said that cutters self mutilate for one of two reasons. Either (1) they want to see a physical representation of the pain they feel on the inside, or (2) they cannot feel anything so they cut to make themselves feel something. She said that it could be that my chest pains are a manifestation of the pain that I've got going on deep down inside. So, she wants me to think about and write about what my other body parts would say to the pain in my chest. Not sure what to do with that one. I've got several ideas rolling around in my brain about they whole heart thing, but I don't know which direction I will go with. I'll start with writing because that is what I'm good at. That I can handle. It's the talking about what she reads that is difficult.
She says that I'm doing a great job and that she can see the progress that I'm making. I... just don't see it, I don't feel it, I just don't know. But I'm plugging away. She constantly tells me that I'm too hard on myself. ha-- I know that, but I also know that I know no other way of being.
*yawn* well, I've been awful this week and not gotten my tail to the gym at all. I'm shooting some t Body Pump at 6 tomorrow. That means I've gotta be up and going in about 5 hours. So I had best be trying to get some sleep. Don't know if it will work - got too much bouncing around in this little brain of mine.
Asta!
