bad blogger! yeah, I know... I've been awful. I've been writing a lot in a paper journal so that leaves this blog sort of unattended. I suppose I could type things in here after I write them... there is a possibility. Anyhow - a few quick updates before I pass out. soooo tired today for some reason.
Health wise... still having issues. I have found out that my gallbladder is only functioning at 5%. For a reference point, they start scheduling surgery when that dips below 30%. However, my surgeon feels that the pain I am experiencing in my abdomen is not where I should be hurting for gallbladder pain, so he does not want to take it out; and should I beginning hurting in the right places and it gets unbearable to call him and he will meet me a the hospital. What?!
I went today for a CT scan, meeting with my PCP tomorrow (primary care physician) and have an Endoscopy scheduled for next week. If nothing is shown for either of these, then a colonoscopy will be scheduled. Oh happy day! haha. I just wish they would hurry up and make up their minds and actually DO something to help.
Personally ... I now have a roommate. Funny thing is, with the extra $$ coming in, somehow STILL not been able to save any for Greece. Hmm... Still planning to go though. Just need to sit down and figure how how I'm gonna save the mula!
I have also come to some realizations. Like... I feel like all this junk that I'm dealing with emotionally is due, in part, to the fact that I spend a whole lot of time caring for the mental stability of others and really don't have anyone that I can vent to, talk with, seek advice from. I made a list of the people that I spend the majority of my time with. I'm a very busy lady, so the fact that there were only three names tells me two things -- I have little to no life, and I have 3 extremely needy friends. Carla calls them bloodsuckers (haha) and they will eventually drain everything from me and that I need to establish some boundaries. Yeah... easier said then done.
Then I got to thinking about the people I would like to cultivate better relationships with, and every time I come up with a lady that is married, has kids, career... basically no time. Not that I have any myself, but it's difficult enough for me to trust a person enough to discuss my issues or seek their advice or what have you. On top of that, they would all be quite a bit old than I am, and I typically get dismissed as being a kid or "just a baby" - I hear that one a lot. I guess I just feel kinda trapped. Like, I don't really fit in with the young people my age, and I can't seem to cultivate deeper relationships with the older people that I would like to ... *sigh*
Emotionally ... yeah, still on this roller coaster. Health issues do not help - I can tell you that. The are just adding to the frustration. Some days I feel like a fricken basket case. It's rather ... well, frustrating!
Spiritually... Ooo, I could write a book here. I'll try to sum it up best I can in the thought that... I just feel like I'm missing something. I have been having this feeling for a while now, and stronger here lately, that there is something that I am supposed to be doing. I know that God has plan for the life of every single individual, and I don't feel like I am out of the will of God for my life.. I just feel like there is something more that I am supposed to be doing. Like there is some ministry that I'm supposed to step into or something else I'm supposed to be doing; but I just can't quite get it to come into focus yet.
So... I guess that would be the nutshell version of the updates in my life. I need to get back to writing in here. And to my Cali readers... I hope you are all very safe with the blazing going on out there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
